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Mar 15, 2004

Keeping Things Fair and Balanced

Washington D.C. — With today's New York Times reporting that the General Accounting Office has begun reviewing the legality of television segments in which the Bush administration paid actors to pose as journalists and praise the benefits of the new Medicare law, the Democratic National Committee today, as a public service, thought it might prove helpful to our Republican friends to offer up other ideas for such "reporting."

"Thank you Tom and Michelle. I'm standing outside the Treasury Department where two significant announcements were just made. First, under President Bush's stewardship, the government is now reporting a record surplus for the first time since Bush assumed the reigns of power in 2000. And secondly, and in a related story, the Treasury Department announced a new definition for the word 'surplus.' Back to you Tom and Michelle."

"The latest unemployment numbers are out and they show that a new craze is sweeping the nation: Thanks to President Bush's leadership, millions of Americans are taking a break from work and enjoying leisure time like never before. And according to the Administration's latest report I'm holding — 'Fifty Fun Activities for a Rainy Day' — it looks like even more fun is in store for the American people in the months to come. I'm Anita Job reporting from the recently closed manufacturing plant outside of Cleveland, Ohio."

"And in healthcare news, the government's longtime chief analyst of Medicare costs said yesterday that Bush administration officials threatened to fire him last year if he disclosed to Congress the true costs of the Bush Team's prescription drug plan. Richard S. Foster, a nonpartisan Department of Health and Human Services official who has been Medicare's chief actuary for nine years, said he nearly resigned in protest because he thought the top Medicare administrator, and perhaps White House officials, were acting against the public interest by withholding information about how much changes to the program would cost."

Editor's Note: Drop this last one. As unbelievable as it sounds, we fact checked it and it turns out that this actually happened.